What a tough time it is! I forgot what it was like to be a teenager. Today, I feel all gangly, irritable, moody, like screaming on the top of the roof...The irritability is the worst. I tend to say things before thinking.
I do have a last day of work now, December 19, 2008. Almost 30 years doing the same thing and now I want to make big changes...the nerve of me.
Work is the same, small, dark hole I worked myself into way back when...I still remember what my mother told me when I started working there. "It's a dead end job, Terry. You went to college and now this? Leave while you still can, etc."
She was right, at least in part. But, I had the opportunity to travel the world and see a lot of places I never could have without it. Unless I made a fortune and enough money to do it all without the uniform, lol.
So I am doing things backwards. The fortune will come when the student is ready. I'm ready to learn some more, to place my ego into awkward spaces, to feel the pain of growth.
It's ok. I've done it before, only now I'm older and have more than 20/20 hindsight. I have improved periphery from a much wider lens.
Then there's the intuition that seems to get the better of me. The weirdness of 'knowing' from a Source other than myself.
Only now am I able to deal with this mysterious, wonderful and sometimes unnerving resource. Well, deal with it is probably not the right word. Accept it...become more open to it...be patient with myself while I test drive it here and then there...
I need to be free of this job that was my security for half my life. And, where to from here is uncharted. I'm ok with no map. I'm going in the direction and speed that feels right.
Tomorrow is another day, like Scarlet said. And, maybe tomorrow's the day I'll see light at the end of the tunnel.
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